Sometimes Netflix requires too much effort.

Jesus, Netflix, YES, I am still watching Scandal. Didn’t you INVENT the binge watch? Let me hide from humanity in peace. I don’t feel like moving my arm to find the damn remote — what am I, a triathlete?

Judgy bitch.

Mental health day, or possibly getting muffins for Jesus

One of the reasons I don’t consider myself an atheist is that I get the kind of menstrual cramps that make me see Jesus.

And when I see Jesus, I stay home. Because you never know, He might need me to do things. Maybe I’m an emissary. That’d be sweet — “I’m Jesus, get me a muffin!” Who knows? Mysterious ways and all. I should be prepared.

Right now it seems He just wants me to drink coffee in bed. I always knew Jesus was cool.

#MentalHealthDay