No-talent assclown, never even won a Grammy…

Me: “My scale still hasn’t moved, but I can see and feel changes in my body, so I know the scale is just being a jerk.”

Therapist: “I’m glad you blame the scale. Some people blame themselves, thinking they have to exercise more often or restrict their diets more.”

Me: “No way. Why should *I* change? He’s the one who sucks.”

Aaand that’s how I decided to name my scale Michael Bolton.

That no-talent assclown…

Ever see that show “@midnight” when they do the Hashtag Wars?

Even if you haven’t, I’m pretty sure you’d agree that “Time, Love, and Breast Tenderness” would be a contender if the hashtag were #PMSsongs.


Additional prospects…
“Rock the Bloat”
“Baby Got Back Pain”
“Pour Some Sugar in Me”