To all the men I’ve blown before…

I’m not sure how I continue to be surprised at the appalling things my family will like and share on Facebook.

My father just shared a fucking Monica Lewinsky joke about all this Nike ad nonsense, and here’s what really chaps my ass — the joke wasn’t even FUNNY. (“Believe in something, even if it means swallowing everything. Just do it.” HA HA HA HA, OH WAIT, NO, that is actually a shitty joke.)

Dad, you and I are about to have a conversation about all the miscellaneous dicks I had in MY mouth at age 22, and how maybe I’d love to not be judged for it decades later and pulled into TOTALLY UNRELATED ISSUES, because the dudes were complete morons. I didn’t even have the self-esteem to AIM for the president — I was jocking my manager at a Blockbuster Video in Jersey, getting finger-banged in the candy closet. (To this day, if I see a box of Sno-Caps, I get MOIST.)

Also, just…fucking EW! I’m your daughter, and you have nieces and grandchildren! I know you’re a dude and all, but CHRIST!

It’s possible I need to lay off Facebook for a while. Or just mute my own goddamn father. Again.

A plea for smarter sexism

Much like the people who make disgusting jokes about Chris Christie’s weight, we need to knock THIS shit right the hell off.

I’m not even following this clusterfuck election closely. But I know there are plenty of joke-WORTHY aspects of Hillary’s campaign without resorting to easy blowjob jokes from a nearly 20-year-old scandal during her HUSBAND’S administration. And I say this as a supporter of the easy blowjob joke. I just like the jokes to be, um…FUNNY.

How are we STILL slut-shaming a woman who made a bad call at age 22, or attacking Hillary for it, rather than placing the blame on Bill Clinton’s raggedy cheating ass? I know there was plenty of that at the time, and maybe there are Internet memes to that effect now. I just happened to see this today, and have seen others like it, and they flip my bitch switch.

Sure, Hillary’s potentially bringing that philandering fuck back to the White House with her, but what do I care where HIS cock has been if SHE’S President? If he’s off banging interns, that’s more time for her to get shit done without him trying to hillbilly-man-splain international affairs. (Because clearly he’s more concerned with domestic ones — HEY-O!)

I guess because none of these dipshits are going to fix ANYTHING, EVER, maybe it’s just all one big joke at this point. But damn…get better jokes.

P.S. Donald Drumpf is the exception. Please let us all continue joking about him. Hair. Voice. Delusion. Have at it.