I’d never pay that much for an orgasm

One of my other goals this year is “Get my money right,” because I’m SUPER tired of being broke, so I’m trying to trim expenses where I can.

I’m on the Sephora site getting my face wash (which is pricey, but pleases me daily, and lasts forever, and gets supplemented with cheaper products, and it is my FACE, and I’m aging fairly well, so don’t judge me, whippersnappers)…*deep breath* Ahem.

So I was also going to buy my blush, because it’s running out, too.

Um, yeah, NARS Orgasm blush is 30 goddamn dollars. Nooope. I could swear last time I bought it, it was $22 — still not cheap, but not $30.

sephora

Christ, I’ll just give myself an actual orgasm every day before work. Or, you know…I could go get some $3 blush at Target. Whichever…

P.S. With my purchase, I got a bunch of fancy samples, so now I also have new moisturizer and lipstick, so I don’t have to buy those, so really, this purchase is a budget win. [/rationalization]

Sex on my face 

I got an email from Ulta, and one of the featured products is called “Better than Sex” mascara 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some terrible sex, and I’ve had some great mascara. But the sex has always been at least marginally superior, even if only because someone bought me food first. 

I considered that mascara has helped me GET sex by making me prettier, but I don’t think that’s true. Lipstick, maybe, but I’m fairly certain no man has ever looked at any woman’s eyelashes and decided not to fuck her. (“Dude, she’s SO hot. Those hips, that hair, that rack… But nah, I’m not going to go talk to her. Did you see her eyelashes?! Bitch, please.”) But hey, maybe I’m underestimating y’all as a gender. Maybe a plump set of…lashes really does it for you. 

However, I’m nothing if not thorough, so just as Nars Orgasm blush changed my life, I’ll clearly have to try this mascara. For, um, research. FOR SCIENCE.