It takes a lot out of me to pay too much attention to people being terrible and angry, but based on the high-level information I’ve seen, this kid is garbage human. I hope he gets his first STD very soon, and that it’s one of the suuuper itchy ones.
Sometimes you only need to read half of the headline before you know you’re going to vomit if you read the rest.
Say what you will about my broken self-image, but at least I have the decency to blame MYSELF for the fact that I can’t get laid.
Via the Miami Herald: “Florida yoga shooter was a misogynist who wanted ‘crucifixion’ for ‘American whores.’”
BOY, BYE. 🖕🏼
The other day my mother told me she thinks he should be acquitted, because “It was the ’70s, that was just what happened.”
MY MOTHER.
But also, this particular conviction was for some 2004 shit, so you can fuck right the hell off, MOM. (I seriously might call her.)
I accidentally saw something fucking AWFUL in Facebook’s “trending” news sidebar, and felt pretty close to either crying or throwing up at my desk.
I took a few minutes to breathe, then went online in pursuit of a palate cleanser. I put #Scandal on Netflix out of habit, just for background noise to finish out the workday, but didn’t realize which episode I’d left off at.
Y’all? Never underestimate the healing power of Marcus and Mellie bangin’ on a desk.
(The other thing will likely still roam the halls of my brain for a couple days, but #MellieBelly does help.)
I often refer to Google as my religion, so I really hope they pull their heads out of their asses here.
‘Cause, yeah, I can have principles and change my email addresses and use different search engines and storage sites, but…it’s fucking Google. No one cares. I’d be like those assholes who tried to boycott “Hamilton” — sure, sweetie, good luck with that.
Also, I mean…you can’t get that data? Can’t you just Google it?
Ugh. You can smell the douche on this douche from 50 paces.
“Forest Pine: The new fragrance from Summer’s Eve.”
I’m too old to be a Handmaid, but fingers crossed I get to be a Martha.
#PraiseBe
Texas Lawmakers Advance Bill That Would Allow Doctors to Lie to Pregnant Women
When I first saw today’s headlines giving Kellyanne Conway shit for having her feet on a couch, I thought, “Goddamn, don’t we have more pressing things to fret about? Obama without a jacket, Conway’s feet — you’re so trifling. This is why we can’t have nice things!”
But, um…then I saw the photo in question and… Oh. Oh, honey… *sigh*
I don’t care about your feet on the couch, but damn, girl, get your VAGINA off the couch!
I hope she at least had on Spanx.
Pfft. Challenge accepted.
Fellow straight chicks — weekend homework. WE RIDE!
Via BBC: Straight women have fewest orgasms
Smug Singleton 