Popular. I’m gonna be pop-uuu-lar…

I filled out the wordy bits of the OkCupid profile first, no photos.

When I added pics, in the 10 minutes it took to arrange them, I got something like 18 “likes.”

Pfft. I’m adorable.

P.S. A half hour later, four intro messages, one from a faceless stranger who called me “beautiful” and added “take it anyway you want.”

#BasicallyGisele

Is there another way I could take “beautiful?” Do I have less of a command on English than I give myself credit for? I guess it could mean, “I want to put my parts in your parts, and I assume calling you ‘beautiful’ will help. I smell the needy.” Oh, wait! Did you mean I should take your dick “anyway” I want? Yeah, that’s how I’m gonna interpret that.

P.P.S. The end of my self-summary: “I don’t take this site seriously enough to pay for it, so if you ‘liked’ my profile, I can’t see it, sorry! (But at least I’ll be able to tell who actually reads the profile and who’s just hot for impish eyes on a bottle-blonde.)”

Not OK, Cupid. Not OK.

I’m infinitely amused that OkCupid won’t let me re-open my account, at least not right now. There’s some kind of error, so they told me to check back later.

It should be a more detailed error, like, “Are you sure? Remember all those unsolicited offers of butt stuff?”

Yes, OkC, I do, but I need to at least make out with someone soon before I die from lack of kissing, which is a thing that can totally happen, shut up.