Put this in your mouth

Y’all. If it’s possible where you live, put this ice cream in your face.

I paid $6.49 for a fucking PINT of it, but it’s among the top 10 best things I’ve had in my mouth since 2012.

Star-Kris-Krossed Love

Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves. Have a splendid and safe day.

I’ll be spending mine orally fixated on a trough of manicotti, and later making sweet, sweet love to an irresponsible number of Godiva salted caramels. (Candy-based promiscuity is the best promiscuity.)

See also: watching Friends with Benefits again, because Justin Timberlake singing Kris Kross is EVERYONE’s Valentine.

Love and many kisses,
Smug  

Aural fixation

Bwah ha ha… Added to my reading list!   

God help me if it’s a bad narrator. Is there any way we could get Stephen Colbert to read this one to me? Maybe Chris Noth? Scott Foley? My vagina is oddly particular about voices — this isn’t gonna work for me if the narrator says “supposably.”

(If it has to be a woman, maybe Kerry Washington? My orgasm would get HANDLED.)

Drill, baby, drill

My dentist just thanked me for being “easy.”

No, no, sir — thank YOU. It’s been far too long since I’ve had a man in my mouth.

Monday morning oral fixation

Not sure what y’all think about first thing on a Monday morning. But I’m damn sure thinking about dick now.

Do I even need to say this isn’t safe for work?

Via OhJoySexToy: How to Suck Cock