I keep it classy on alllll the Internets:
So here’s a thing a purportedly adult man decided it’d be perfectly acceptable to say to a woman in a first OkCupid message on a Saturday morning:
“Hiya. Would you be interested in getting great oral? Or at least a great make our session?”
A few things:
1. I can’t decide if he remembers he sent me the FIRST intro message 2 weeks ago and said only, “Hiya. LOL @ a relatively decent command of the English language. That’s not asking much!” (Response to bit of my profile.)
Is this supposed to be a followup after that went unanswered, like maybe he’s just switching up his game? Or does my profile somehow convey that half the reason I’m dating is because I can’t go down on myself, and he’s like, “My direct approach will swiftly lead to this woman sitting on my face?”
2. You went with “hiya,” huh? Twice? Right. *nod*
3. Assuming you could spell “make out”…we’re 40. Really? I’m gonna get Date Pretty for a “make out session?” Would this be before or after your mom drives us to take the SATs? “Naw, man. Naw. Shit, naw, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ somethin’ like that.”
4. Can you even go down on a woman when you’re obviously made entirely of balls?
So happy to FINALLY be getting both cavities drilled hard.
Ew! I’m at the dentist, you fucking perverts!