Friend with Children: “Is the movie kid-friendly?”
Me: “I mean, *I* think so, but I also first heard Denis Leary when I was 10, and had Freddy Krueger nightmares well into my 30s because I saw that movie around age 8, so let me double check online…”
Hm… And HOW old was I when I found the VHS porn and that book about the G-spot in Mom’s room?
(Explains a lot, doesn’t it?) 🙂
I spoke to my therapist about my anxiety in talking to men on dating apps, and she said, “Well, if you don’t want to, you don’t want to, and that’s perfectly fine. But all the other things you said might be holding you back, you don’t seem sure you don’t want to. And the only way you’re going to be sure is if you try.”
So I wrote to FIVE entire Bumble guys, including Hot Chef, and of course everyone except Hot Chef wrote me back. *grumble* FINE.
But also, and this is the important part — they wrote me back, and then, after 24 hours of still feeling like I might throw up every time I tried to respond, I DID respond.
Full disclosure: It REALLY helps when it’s early and all you have to do to “respond” is copy/paste what you did over the weekend. But I DID it, is the point. So hopefully I’ll have an answer, an orgasm, or at least some quality first-date stories, soon.
Texting a friend about my plans to do some home organization this weekend…
*nod* Yeah, that sounds about right. Maybe also a snack and an orgasm, but I seem to have those under control on my own.
Y’all.
I am JUST in my regular doctor’s office, trying to get my sinuses un-fucked.
I wasn’t ready.
A Facebook friend posted about how silly she was for being eager to get her period when she was around 11, and her male friend said, “Yeah, for men it’s shaving — when we were kids, we couldn’t wait to grow facial hair, but it’s such a hassle.”
Oh. Oh, honey…
*clasps hands*
Putting aside the non-visible symptoms of menstruation — bloating, cramps, irritability, etc…
What, pray, happens if you don’t shave for a week? You get fuzzier, no? Perhaps you get a little squirrely, maybe you need a trim?
But I’m gonna GUESS that if you just ignore that “hassle” for a week, and take no action whatsoever, you can probably still be seen in public.
Lemme just TRY to ignore my period for a week, to take no action, and go to work. Or on a date. Grocery shopping. The gym. Does that sound like a LITTLE more of a “hassle?”
Your wanton erections are probably a closer comparison. Or maybe if once a week your dick just leaked ejaculate for 5-10 days straight? Or, you know, if it just…bled?
Run along, sir. You’re needed at the Faulty Metaphor Factory.
Sometimes the “recent activity” section on OkCupid’s homepage is just a joy to behold.
Bwah ha ha… “Stop performing. Stop acting. You’re no actress. You work in Accounts Payable.”
Via Very Smart Brothas: Ask Agatha: I Can’t Orgasm During Sex. What Should I Do?
Current status.
Pfft. Whatever, Monday — I had sex yesterday. So don’t even TRY to come for me; I already came.
Smug Singleton 