Pretzel party in my pants?

Looking at a map, I just realized Friday night’s family graduation party for my cousin is at a party hall right next to one of my favorite bars.

Clearly this is a sign that after the party I should toddle my fancy-dress ass on over there and get me some townie strange.

If that plan fails, the bar also has bangin’ cheesy pretzels, so the situation looks to be a win either way.

Bringing sexy back/Only in my dreams

I had a dream that Justin Timberlake came up behind me at some party, “danced” with me by grinding his junk against my ass, and fondled my breasts. 

Good work, subconscious. More of this, please.

Tom Sub-Servo!

Barnes & Noble just emailed me to tell me the Fifty Shades of Grey DVD is available for pre-order. 

TOTALLY renting it from Netflix and having a Mystery Science Theater-style party. 

Snack menu so far: licorice whips, Nerds Ropes, fruit leather. 

Oh, OH! DominaTRIX cereal! (I know, I know, she’s the sub — it was too good a pun to pass up.)

OMG, the signature COCKtail (heh) will be Fifty Shades of Grey Goose!

Fifty Shades of Gravy!