Via Huffington Post: No Prison For Colorado Student Who Raped ‘Helpless’ Freshman.
20 years’ probation because “we need to find out whether he can or cannot be rehabilitated?” Really? “Hey, listen, we’re gonna let this one slide, but we’re gonna need you to try super hard to not rape anyone else until 2036, ‘kay? Swearsies realsies?”
BTW, I know what they thought they were doing, but when you put “helpless” in quotation marks like that, it looks like you’re implying she was allegedly helpless. Also, “He raped her as she drifted out of consciousness and lied about what he had done.” That sounds like she lied while he raped her. Write a goddamn sentence, would you?
And oh…OH!…”Wilkerson’s friends and family said the crime was a ‘traumatic incident’ for him. They asked the judge to consider Wilkerson’s future, and said he ‘will go far in this world if not defined by this one incident.’ … Wilkerson admitted to investigators he’d made advances to the victim that night, ‘but that she rebuffed him each time, and that he felt ‘pissed off’ and called her a ‘fucking bitch.’ Wilkerson told the jury…their sexual activity was consensual.”
No, see…rebuffing you each time? IS NOT CONSENT, YOU ENTITLED DICKHEAD SHITHEEL FUCKFACE. That’s what’s known as an OPPOSITE — by, like, A LOT.
And oh, no, the rapist would have to worry about his special wittle future? Did sexually violating a half-conscious woman give him teh sadz? Boo hoo hoo, I could just cry.
Meanwhile, I’m sure his victim’s future will be — to quote Patton Oswalt — “a sheetcake made of victory and talking owls.”
Fucking fuck fuckity fuckery fuck.
See also: Fuck.
I don’t have depression, but once in a while I need a day or two (or, um, five…) of doing nothing and not talking to anyone, and yep, it usually ends up with me wearing my bathrobe and watching some show I’ve seen several times before. This year it’s been Scandal. I’m on my third run through the series. I did this over the weekend, and it was glorious, and it reminded me of this bit: “Oh, depression. This is the best day you’ve ever had.”
The video came from this article, which links to many more quality comedic gems from Oswalt and others.