My pH is as imbalanced as my brain.

So…this is WAY more than anyone needs to know, but frankly I blame the most recent episode of Crazy Ex Girlfriend for my sudden freedom… 

I often get frustrated because my body doesn’t just tell me what it needs, like maybe I don’t even HAVE depression, maybe I just need vitamin D or iron or something. I’d like a little alert system, is all.

But damn — you can always count on your vagina to let you KNOW when some shit is up. When you go to apee and think, “What the HELL is that smell?!” That is your lady garden, girl, and you are dehydrated as fuck. Maybe also pop some preemptive probiotics, because that’s definitely not ideal.

Saving the sisterhood, one pH balance at a time.

I hear a lot of jokes about “girl code,” usually in regard to dating a friend’s ex or something.

Let me give you an example of the REAL girl code:

My doctor, a woman about my age, prescribed an antibiotic for the sinus infection that’s been beating my ass (seriously, please come tear my face off, and also bring pie). Without me asking, she said, “I’m also calling in a script for Diflucan. If you don’t need it, don’t fill it, but I don’t want you to have to bother calling us back and asking for it.”

I go pick up the antibiotic, along with a bottle of acidophilus. I tell the female pharmacist I’m not filling the Diflucan right now, that I’ll just leave that on standby for a rainy day in my vagina. She nods, notices the acidophilus, and tells me unprompted that cranberry extract supplements also help her prevent The Evil that Shall Not Be Named.

That’s your girl code. Good work, Girl Nation. My pH balanced lady garden thanks you.