I am nothing if not formal and proper…

BRB, changing all my dating profile pics…

OkCreepy…

Oh, OK, this isn’t fucking weird at all.

Photo 1: My iPhone’s wallpaper. 

Photo 2: The main profile photo of a dude who just messaged me on OkCupid. 

A fine day for texting at Smug HQ

The Cute Dog Guy from OkCupid DID in fact send me a series of adorable dog (not dong) pics, AND a video of a dog frolicking on the banks of a lake.

So of course I reported back to my Friends Focus Group…

Smug Singleton’s Patented Penis Predictions!

I’ve been messaging with the OkCupid guy with the cute dog. Yesterday he was taking the dog to meet another dog and make dog friends, and I demanded photos of this occasion. He messaged that he had taken some, and I sent him my number and told him to text them.

So what are we thinking — like, 50/50 one of the pics will be of his dick?

60/40, probably, right? Cloudy with a chance of cock?

So many questions I don’t want answers to…

Sometimes the “recent activity” section on OkCupid’s homepage is just a joy to behold.

This is madness, but…dicks…

OkCupid disabled the feature where you can see who’s viewed your profile.

At first I was pissed, because hey, dude looks at me, I go look at dude (or vice versa), maybe we start a conversation.

But now I have to just, like… TALK to them if I want them to see me?! Fuck that, that’s madness.

HOWEVER. For the dudes who have photos of their fine-ass half-dressed bodies as profile pics, now I can check out their junk and not have to worry about them messaging me all, “Hey, I noticed you checked out my junk.”

So… There’s that. Junk ahoy, y’all!

This covers it nicely.

Putting the “me” in “meme”

I’m sure you’ve seen quite enough of this on your Facebook feeds this week, so I hate to add to the bullshit. But the combination of characters I thought of made me laugh.

“Describe yourself in three fictional characters…”

I can’t believe I’m a grownup…

Heh…heh… [/beavis]

I AM ABOVE THE LAW!

They said “no photos” at the booksigning yesterday, but, I mean… CLEARLY they just meant flash photos, not my shitty, stealth, zoom-lens-through-people’s-heads iPhone 4S ones. Ahem…

#scofflaw #IHave60FollowersNoOneCares