No, see, when we say we want “equality,” we don’t mean “We want men to ALSO be Photoshopped behind recognition and also possibly beyond humanity.”
Is that even a person? I know it’s allegedly John Cena, but they made him look like a damn cartoon.
Though I’ll give them props for “The sex robots are coming!” Tee hee.
First message from a man on OkCupid whose only profile photo is a bathroom mirror selfie… of his butt-naked body with his penis obscured by a Photoshopped flesh-colored oval: “You have really nice photos! Very pretty and cute, and sexy! I just wanted to tell you that and yes I meant what I said. I hope you dont get mad but your photos turn me on so much.”
I’m confused. Why would I think you didn’t mean it? Of course you meant it — you’re trying to put parts of you into parts of me. It would hurt your cause to be like, “You’re hideous and make my dick soft.”
Besides, I KNOW my photos are cute — that’s why they’re my photos.
Your naked body isn’t bad to look at, sir. Thanks for that. Let us retreat to our respective spank banks and call it a day.
I need. To see. Your FACE.
Honestly, I MIGHT have sex with you! But you need to have a face! I can’t know if I’ll want to kiss your dick if I can’t tell if I’d kiss your face.
Get a face.
P.S. I’m a little embarrassed at how long it took me to realize his message could easily be copy/pasted and sent to a million other women. I’ll give him credit for that. And for his body, because JAY-sus — dude has a better curve on his ass than I do on mine.
In response to the cover, Washington writes: “It felt strange to look at a picture of myself that is so different from what I look like when I look in the mirror. It’s an unfortunate feeling.”
According to the USA Today article: “Adweek‘s editorial director James Cooper tweeted that her hair was the only ‘adjustment’ the magazine made.”
Um… My pasty, dimpled ASS, that’s all you adjusted. Why does she look like Clair Huxtable, then?
Um…*raising hand*
Did I miss a memo? Is this what Drew Barrymore’s face looks like now? ‘Cause I Googled her, and… I don’t think it is.
But OK, Harper’s Bazaar. You do what you need to do. Even if it’s really fucking weird.
SO.
I just got an OkCupid intro message…from a 6’3″, “overweight” (his word choice) “Happily Married” man, with a single Photoshopped profile photo that obscures his face and shows none of his body, asking if I’d be into some “non-committal intamcy” (his spelling error).
This is his entire self-summary: “Happily Married, I just enjoy more, like any man.”
Hmmm… You know, enticing as you’ve made all this, I’m probably good on that for a lifetime.
I do appreciate the offer to fuck me and then go away — sometimes I think that’s all I need. But I’m a LADY, dicknuts. You have to come correct (heh) and supply me at least a few real photos of what I’d be working with before I’d even BEGIN to consider this. If I can’t see your face, how am I supposed to know if I want to sit on it?
Honestly. Whatever happened to chivalry?
Also…”non-committal intimacy?” You are a grody bastard whose wife won’t bang him anymore, possibly because you’re on a dating site hustlin’ for some strange. Own it.
NB: If that’s what you’ve agreed to in your marriage, you go ahead and get yours. I’ve actually briefly considered similar offers from other, more forthright men. This dude just had a bit of the sketch on him.
Also, nothing wrong with “overweight.” Half that weight is probably just his giant balls.
Via We Give Consent…
“Teen retailer” aside, Aerie is the business. There’s a lot I can’t wear because I’m old, but they have super-cute stuff and I love this campaign. 
I’m kinda tired — please fill in the appropriate expletive-laden tirade against the patriarchy, or the alternate -archy of your choice: Melissa McCarthy Lost 30 lbs. on the Shitty Photoshop Diet.
Though I’m sure it’s wrong that I’m kind of more offended by the “shitty Photoshop” aspect.
Smug Singleton 