“Everything hurts and I’m dying.”

Last time my body was being weird with my menstrual cycle, my doctor told me to stop taking my birth control pill, let my body menstruate for a few days, and then go back to taking it as prescribed so it stops. That was maybe a year ago, and it worked. Cool.
 
Now my body is being weird again, so I did the same thing, and…Jesus Christ, now I remember why they prescribed the pill to make it stop. I really did not miss having a period.
 
Between this and the ballsack-y humidity in Philly, I MAY actually be dying. Every part of me feels puffy, and like it weighs 100 pounds. Everyone and everything is SO much more annoying. Getting out of bed this week has been like a goddamn Ironman. And there is just NOT. ENOUGH. SALT.
 
If I can’t make as much money as a man, can I least get a few days off for THIS horseshit?
 
Fuck you, Nature, seriously.
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My body is a traitorous beast.

Oh, cool, I knew something didn’t feel right — I’ve been a complete ass about taking my birth control and now my body’s like, “We menstruate, yeah? Wheeee, we menstruate!”

No, really. Being a woman is magical. 🙄

You may be experiencing Paxil Menstrual Syndrome…

Sometimes you know you’re smart, but you’re not QUITE “friend who’s almost done med school and has more experience with psych meds” smart…

“So, hey, what are the odds that 5-ish days without Paxil have made me feel like I have PMS on crack?”

“Very high. Paxil withdrawal blows.”

“Ha, yep, I kinda knew that, just wanted to confirm. 🙂 I’ll go fill the prescription. Jesus, Brain, you could’ve just asked for Starbucks — that would’ve gotten me to Target, and hence their pharmacy, minus the 5 days of internal screaming at EVERY mundane life obligation.”

“LOL. Why’d you stop taking it?”

“Oh, just because I’m ridiculous and ran out. They keep letting us work from home so I keep not leaving the house.”

Christ. I’ll go to Target, man, damn. Ahem… tomorrow, probably…

Oh, right — it controls BIRTH, not stupidity.

They told me to take my birth control in a way that stops my period, which is great, until I get irrationally angry at stupid people commenting on online weather forecasts and am forced to remember I apparently CAN still have PMS.

But seriously. Goddamn, people are so fucking stupid.