Nope.

Ahem…

*taps mic*

Fuuuuuck youuuuu.

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You may be experiencing Paxil Menstrual Syndrome…

Sometimes you know you’re smart, but you’re not QUITE “friend who’s almost done med school and has more experience with psych meds” smart…

“So, hey, what are the odds that 5-ish days without Paxil have made me feel like I have PMS on crack?”

“Very high. Paxil withdrawal blows.”

“Ha, yep, I kinda knew that, just wanted to confirm. 🙂 I’ll go fill the prescription. Jesus, Brain, you could’ve just asked for Starbucks — that would’ve gotten me to Target, and hence their pharmacy, minus the 5 days of internal screaming at EVERY mundane life obligation.”

“LOL. Why’d you stop taking it?”

“Oh, just because I’m ridiculous and ran out. They keep letting us work from home so I keep not leaving the house.”

Christ. I’ll go to Target, man, damn. Ahem… tomorrow, probably…

Oh, right — it controls BIRTH, not stupidity.

They told me to take my birth control in a way that stops my period, which is great, until I get irrationally angry at stupid people commenting on online weather forecasts and am forced to remember I apparently CAN still have PMS.

But seriously. Goddamn, people are so fucking stupid.

In which my ladyparts do Satan’s bidding.

OK, yeah, dude should be on a watchlist, but on the bright side, I’m totally referring to my insides as “my satanic ram’s head” at least once a month from now on.

“Y’all, I can’t go out tonight — my satanic ram’s head is back on its bullshit.”

This is all true and factual science. *nod*

Text to friends, based entirely in fact and science:

“They put me on the pill and said I could start it whenever, so I did, but I think my body was already preparing its regular PMS festivities, and when I added bonus hormones I fucked up its groove, because now I hate goddamn everything except you guys and Egg McMuffins.”