Patience is a virtue, but a finite one.

One day my filter will fail and I will not be able stop myself from asking another full-grown adult, likely a coworker, “How the FUCK do you not fall down more often?”

Sartorial/Senatorial

“Senator Holmes? Let’s talk. You know, your state’s got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one.”

A Kansas senator presented a new dress code for the State Capitol. Only for women, though, because men “already know how to look professional.”

Oh, hey! Kiss my professional dick, sir.

Also…Senator? You work in the fucking State Capitol. OF KANSAS. What could these women have POSSIBLY been wearing? Pasties with tassels? G-string? Corset and thigh-highs?

I took this from the Fox News article about it: “[The code] prevents women testifying on bills from wearing low-cut necklines and miniskirts.

“Holmes said, ‘We’re looking for you to be addressing the issue rather than trying to distract or bring eyes to yourself.'”

Maybe legislate your boner, dicknuts.

(Full Fox article here.)

Panty professional.

I didn’t realize until I got to work that the lacy trim on the butt edge of my panties is visible under these pants, so it looks like I have one particularly prominent strip of cellulite on each ass cheek.

Outstanding.

What the fucking fuck, man?

I know I’m a half-ass “lady” at best, but…

A man in my office, who’s old enough to be my father, was just making small talk with me, and he said, “I have jury duty next week. What a pain in the ass, I have to take the fuckin’ train in…”WHOA. Watch your fucking mouth, motherfucker! This is a fucking place of business, and I am a fucking LADY!

Do you, like, smell the hoodrat on me? Is there something about my face that makes you think this is acceptable? It’s not even that I’m a woman — it’s just bad manners, and you KNOW you have bad manners if I’M the one pointing it out. But also… yes, as long as wage gaps and thigh gaps are things I’m just expected to deal with, I do expect a base level of civility and etiquette until you get the all-clear that I’m cool with that kind of rapport, especially at work, especially when you’re a grown-ass man, shitdick.

(I had a similar reaction when a 21-year-old female assistant used “fuck” during our second at-work conversation. BITCH, I am old enough to be your mother, and I will knock the “fuck” right out of your FACE.)

“Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go ‘head and…get laid at my wedding… That’d be greeaaaaat.”

Barely 3 months at my job, I’ve been invited to my boss’s wedding.

How unprofessional is it to bang one of your boss’s relatives in a country club coatroom? Ahem. Asking for a friend…