I didn’t respond to a first OkCupid message I got yesterday, because the guy’s only photo was of his calves and feet in the sand. My profile clearly says I won’t talk to anyone who doesn’t have a face photo, because…it’s DATING. Faces are important. And he’d obviously paid attention to my profile, at least enough that his message referenced both my subtle jokes about cunnilingus. (Don’t judge me, that’s one of the only reasons I’m dating.)
He just sent a followup message: “Really, i get no response…i thought i was witty and charming. Oh well, take care.”
Ahem.
1. I don’t owe you anything.
2. Your passive aggression is not cute.
3. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since your first message. Even if I thought you WERE witty and charming (I didn’t), you wouldn’t have a response yet. I have shit to do. (Reformed Clinger Technique #347.)
4. I can’t know if I want your face between my legs if I don’t know what your face looks like.
I don’t understand this. You know I’ll SEE your face eventually, right? Would you rather we get to know each other via email/text, and then I’ll finally see your face and be like, “Um, no, sorry, that face doesn’t work for me.”
It’s online dating, Cyrano. Hooray for your beautiful soul and all, but I’m never gonna sit on your soul, so I need to see your face.
…OK, fine, I’m not going to sit on his face, either, because I have issues and think I’m going to hurt/smother the guy somehow, even though I know that’s absurd. Regardless, faces still matter.
Smug Singleton 