“I rarely see children. I’ve organized my life in such a way, I never have to talk to or be around a child.”
— Bill Maher (sorry)
#goals
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Tag Archives: quotables
No-talent assclown, never even won a Grammy…
Me: “My scale still hasn’t moved, but I can see and feel changes in my body, so I know the scale is just being a jerk.”
Therapist: “I’m glad you blame the scale. Some people blame themselves, thinking they have to exercise more often or restrict their diets more.”
Me: “No way. Why should *I* change? He’s the one who sucks.”
Aaand that’s how I decided to name my scale Michael Bolton.
“You can’t sit with us!”
It’s like White Trash Melrose Place
The good news is, my new neighbor is either a hot, young-ish guy, or has hot, young-ish guy visitors at 10 pm on Saturday nights.
The bad news is, I learned this by passing said hot, young-ish guy at the common door, as he was walking in and I was walking out to meet the grocery delivery guy…and I was wearing mismatched pajamas and slippers, with hair I THINK was last washed on Thursday?
Um… it’s… um… fashion?
Important questions
Well, at least there’s that.
Quotable therapist: “I promise, you don’t hit menopause and automatically become a Republican.”
You heard it here, folks.
#science
Orphan Blackout
Adele: “So I’m reading this wrong?”
Felix: “Well, you did just mix mood stabilizers with gin, darling.”
Adele: “That’s brunch.”
— Orphan Black
#LifeGoals
“Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?”
“Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.”
Yeah, you pretty much nailed it.
Thoughts on writing:
“I’m a writer. It’s like riding a bike, or severe childhood trauma –you never really lose it.”
-Cat Grant, Supergirl
Starting today with happier thoughts.
Smug Singleton 