Fuck you, douche-bros

1. It’s not even a CLEVER rape-y poem.

2. Ladies, let us all encourage our youth to remember they are worth more than Natty Light. You hold out for Yuengling, girls. And also for men who don’t do shit like this.

(Is it clear I’m not making light of this but rather attempting humor so I don’t smash my computer at work in some sort of tiny white woman Hulk rage? OK, good.)

Creepy email inviting freshman co-eds to party prompts fliers on Penn campus: Students take stand to show support for incoming female students.


Dude… You know people can SEE what you say on public sites, right?

Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 5.29.09 PM.pngSo this is a town I used to live in and (now extra) thankfully left far behind.

Via Jezebel.com: NJ Candidate to Daily Beast Reporter: ‘Hope You Get Raped by a Syrian Refugee.

I chose the Jezebel piece because it has screenshots of what he actually said, which my local source probably couldn’t print because it’s goddamn vile. But if you have a minute, please DO check out the Philly.com article and get a gander at his HANDWRITTEN resignation letter (ON BLUE PAPER. IN ALL CAPS):
Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 5.31.59 PM.png

You are running for TOWNSHIP COMMITTEE in a small town in South Jersey—maybe don’t step to a journalist at a well-known NATIONAL news site with your psychotic, poorly punctuated bullshit? It still counts as a threat if you write like a first grader, shitheel.

Aw, boo hoo, poor rapist…

Via RawStory: Screen Shot 2016-08-23 at 12.01.00 PMJudge sets aside rape charges for probation so ex-athlete can enjoy ‘a college experience’“Oh, is this the one in Colorado I posted about a few weeks ago?”

Hm. No. OK.

That one from Stanford?”


Right, then. An all-new installment:

“He can now look forward to a productive life without being burdened with the stigma of having to register as a sex offender,” said his attorney. “The goal of this sentence was not to impede this individual from graduating high school and to go onto the next step of his life, which is a college experience…We all made mistakes when we were 17, 18, 19 years old, and we shouldn’t be branded for life with a felony offense. Putting this kid in jail for two years would have destroyed this kid’s life.”

Oh, OK…*twitch* How nice for him…

Two women this time, by the way.


So I guess we’re pretty much done even PRETENDING rape is a crime?

Screen Shot 2016-08-11 at 3.52.27 PMVia Huffington Post: No Prison For Colorado Student Who Raped ‘Helpless’ Freshman.

20 years’ probation because “we need to find out whether he can or cannot be rehabilitated?” Really? “Hey, listen, we’re gonna let this one slide, but we’re gonna need you to try super hard to not rape anyone else until 2036, ‘kay? Swearsies realsies?”

BTW, I know what they thought they were doing, but when you put “helpless” in quotation marks like that, it looks like you’re implying she was allegedly helpless. Also, “He raped her as she drifted out of consciousness and lied about what he had done.” That sounds like she lied while he raped her. Write a goddamn sentence, would you?

And oh…OH!…”Wilkerson’s friends and family said the crime was a ‘traumatic incident’ for him. They asked the judge to consider Wilkerson’s future, and said he ‘will go far in this world if not defined by this one incident.’ … Wilkerson admitted to investigators he’d made advances to the victim that night, ‘but that she rebuffed him each time, and that he felt ‘pissed off’ and called her a ‘fucking bitch.’ Wilkerson told the jury…their sexual activity was consensual.”

No, see…rebuffing you each time? IS NOT CONSENT, YOU ENTITLED DICKHEAD SHITHEEL FUCKFACE. That’s what’s known as an OPPOSITE — by, like, A LOT.

And oh, no, the rapist would have to worry about his special wittle future? Did sexually violating a half-conscious woman give him teh sadz? Boo hoo hoo, I could just cry.

Meanwhile, I’m sure his victim’s future will be — to quote Patton Oswalt — “a sheetcake made of victory and talking owls.”

Fucking fuck fuckity fuckery fuck.

See also: Fuck.

Move along, Family, nothing to see here…

One of the worst things about having my whole family on my personal Facebook is that, in the past 24 hours, at least one of them has likely seen me “like” four different wineries, the Philly chapter of a suicide prevention organization, multiple rape counseling centers, and a national association for depression and mood disorders.

Um…it’s research?

Honestly, I just want to tour the wineries; I’m doing a 5K to support the suicide prevention group because I think it’s an important cause; I’m looking for a job at the counseling centers; and…well, I’m a depraved bastard who’s interested in mood disorders. *shrug* Y’all raised me.

Visine Vigilante

OK, so…I’m glad Joe Biden wrote this. Really. I’m not trying to make light of the gesture in any way.

But, um…

You’re the Vice President — you’re kind of a big deal. If you feel that strongly about it, couldn’t you…DO something? Yell at someone? Kick that entitled douchewang rapist in the ‘nads? Throat-punch the judge, or maybe just pay one of his clerks to sneak some eyedrops into his coffee?

Don’t even tell me Biden can’t make some shit happen on the DL.

Via Buzzfeed: Joe Biden Writes An Open Letter To Stanford SurvivorScreen Shot 2016-06-09 at 5.13.50 PM