I took a couple days off, trying to alleviate some work burnout, and put myself on the waitlist for a popular class at my gym tonight. I figured if I got in, that was Jesus telling me to get off my ass and leave the house, and if not, clearly He’d prefer I stay home and watch comedy shows.
They just emailed me that I got in, and godDAMMIT, Jesus! This is why I’m not religious!
Ugh. FINE. I’ll do something “They” claim is good for mental health — fucking hippies tryna thwart the part of my brain that’s perfectly content being fat and depressed, thankyouverymuch. 🙄
I often refer to Google as my religion, so I really hope they pull their heads out of their asses here.
‘Cause, yeah, I can have principles and change my email addresses and use different search engines and storage sites, but…it’s fucking Google. No one cares. I’d be like those assholes who tried to boycott “Hamilton” — sure, sweetie, good luck with that.
Also, I mean…you can’t get that data? Can’t you just Google it?
Hanukkah isn’t my religion, but a) I don’t HAVE much of a religion — we celebrate Christmas, but I suspect that’s mostly for the ham. And b) the first guy I had sex with was Jewish (so, he was extra Chosen), so I’ll always have a soft spot (ie, my vagina) for the faith.
I just said something looked “more forced than buttsex on an altar boy.”
(Does it need to be said that I don’t actually find child molestation funny, nor do I have any qualms about religion? I did not invite that metaphor into my brain — I’m not sitting here thinking of pedo jokes as a habit. But I did think it was too good not to share. If you like, just substitute ME for the altar boy, because I don’t want that nonsense in my ass, either.)
I have my issues with my family, but I don’t know where else the conversation would lead naturally to me getting applauded for joking that super religious folks are against abortion “because that’s one less child to molest. You’re fucking up their draft picks.”
Quotable friend: “I don’t get why so many people have such terrible attitudes about sex. I’m sure a lot of it is from religion, but I was raised Catholic and one of the main reasons I’m sad it’s nearly impossible to find a basement in my part of the country is because it means building a sex dungeon is much more difficult.”