You’re not even a good fragrance of douche.

A few months ago I posted about a man from a neighboring office in my building. I pass him in the hall sometimes and we exchange workplace pleasantries. That day, though, he asked if I’d been dieting, because I looked “really good” and “like I’d lost weight.”

I’ve seen him a few times since, and we were back to, “Good morning, how are you?”

But I just saw him again and he said, “That’s a REALLY nice dress, it looks great on you!” And elevator-eyed me.

Dude, did you skip an HR seminar or something? The last time anyone looked at me like that at work, he and I were screwing around in office closets.

I feel like a hypocrite, too, because I wouldn’t have minded the compliment on my dress coming from a man I was attracted to, or even a man I knew. The phrasing of his weight loss/diet comment was unacceptable from anyone, though — was I previously too much of a heifer to look good?

*sigh* I need another shower.

How the Grinch Stole My Body Image

My friends who know how self-conscious I get about my body will enjoy that my hormonal influx/weight gain have made me quite puffy today. So my favorite basic white t-shirt is unusually snug, and I’ve been walking around all day feeling like I’m mostly made of breasts. I feel like they suddenly grew three sizes like the goddamn Grinch’s heart.

I have found my soulmate. Someone bring him to me.

“Foreplay is like mozzarella sticks. The more you think about it, the more apt it is.”

I am in love with this man.

Via Cosmo UK: 12 Sex Things Men Really Don’t Give a Crap About

Friends don’t let friends shop drunk.

Email to Lady Friends…

Subj: “Tonight I had wine and saw infomercials”

“Thank the gods of finance that I’m already in bed and am too tired to go fetch my credit card. (I saw photos from this past weekend and my face has more lines than a singles bar on ladies’ night.)

“BUT LOOK AT ALL THE SCIENCE WORDS!!!!!”20140506-220834.jpg