Inspira-SHUN the Non-Believers! Shuuunnn!

So, tonight I attended a gathering of female entrepreneurs, and someone flagged my negative self-talk and offered me an affirmation card.

OK, shut up, assholes — I rolled my eyes, too. BUT. Picking a card at random, check out this prescient motherfucker right here.

I’m about to pay for EXTRA therapy for my past nonsense, but this card’s all, “Naw, girl, I got you.”


Therapist said I seem “empowered.”

I fired her.

She also tells me we’ll have to work on me saying things like, “‘Crazy slut’ is on my resumé.”

Jeez, *I* thought it was funny. Don’t I pay you to laugh at my jokes and say I’m a special snowflake? I AM NOT FEELING SUPPORTED!

(I know, I KNOW.)

Like an ADULT. No, really.

A friend pointed out that I’m kind of shitty to myself when it comes to my ability to be an adult: “You are constantly talking about being incapable, an unfit adult, generally sucking at everything, along with other negative talk about yourself.”

Hm. That’s because I genuinely do FEEL incompetent probably half of the time, like I can’t even believe I’m allowed to drive and make life choices. But I think the difference is, unlike everyone else, I say it out loud. And probably too often.

A Facebook friend who doesn’t know me very well went so far as to imply it was my “thing,” and a coworker sent me a JPG of an “adulting honorable mention” ribbon that said “I put on pants today.”

I really don’t want ineptitude to be my “thing.” Especially at work.

We’ll add that to the list of goals to work on with the therapist, because I’m really not sure how to go about fixing it. (Other than to just shut the fuck up, which I guess is probably the best option.) But I can’t get butthurt when people treat me like an incompetent asshole if I continue to act like one.

But ssshhhh… I’m totally going to go eat Froot Loops in my blanket fort. And the pants will be gone as soon as I walk in the door.