Oh, good. I love when my brain decides randomly to focus on this shit.
Sometimes I think it was a good thing that I was comfortable enough with my ex that I didn’t feel the need to get full-on pretty all the time just for him. I thought just a clean, showered Me was plenty sexy (which, for the record, is what I thought about him, and of all men — you are all amazing post-shower, I just want to get you dirty all over again).
And then I think that if I’d gotten pretty just for him more often, maybe we wouldn’t have gotten so disconnected. That I didn’t try hard enough to be sexy and keep him attracted to me. That this is all my fault.
Again, fuck you, brain. You wanna throw in some old favorites while you’re at it? I haven’t heard “Why can’t I be normal and want a baby?” in a while. Oh, OH! What about “I wasn’t enough for him without a baby?” Timeless classic! Really, the entire “not enough” catalogue never gets old. Let’s hear ’em all — pretty enough, smart, sexy, classy, maternal, mature. Today’s hits and yesterday’s favorites, only on WPSY, Psychosis Radio!
I’ll be fine. I’m gonna go take an environmentally irresponsible shower, put on some lipstick, go outside, and fucking deal.