Oral Sex and Nachos.

I don’t have strong feelings about Adam Levine either way, but I laughed a lot reading this article: Adam Levine is Not the Sexiest Man Alive. Adam Levine is the Worst.

Also, forget celebrities — the “sexiest man alive” is whichever man is making me come and then making me snacks. I’m starting my own magazine for sexy men. I just need a name. What’s a shorter version of “He’ll go down on you ’til you’re a mere shell of your former self, and then he’ll make you nachos?”

Macho Nachos magazine? (Crotchos would just be vulgar.)

Culinary COMEfort magazine? (You could do Cumfort, but I’ve always hated that spelling.)

Eat Allllll the Things (Including Me!) magazine?