It’s been so long since I’ve had someone’s hand graze the back of my neck that I’d almost forgotten it’s one my most sensitive erogenous zones.
So praise be to lined bras, ‘cause my haircut/color could’ve just gotten hella awkward.
Man, Facebook’s algorithms are really getting good at zeroing in on my interests. #AllStarCock #BrotherlyLoveIndeed
Scott Foley is going gray and my body was not ready for these feelings.
UNF. 
Oh.
OH, my…
Ahem.
Cool, so… I’m gonna spend my Sunday…ummm…”worshiping.” AS THE GOOD LORD INTENDED. 
Y’all.
I have a new eye doctor and he’s HOT and I wasn’t prepared for that because eye doctors are always 112 years old, so I didn’t even shower today and I’m not wearing makeup and I’m still half sick and he’s married so it doesn’t even matter but also HOT.
Also, I mean, I’m sure it’s possible he tells EVERY woman she has “lovely” eyelashes and that she’s funny, but…I get the sense that perhaps not. So I’m just gonna tuck that little nugget in my back pocket for future ego boosts.
See also: HAWT.
Oh, damn… Well, that was just a whole buncha stuff in my body that simultaneously twitched.
I am suddenly both horny and maternal.
It’s awkward.
Yesterday I wore skinny pants, except I’m NOT skinny, and then I had Chinese food, and then I got puffy, aaand now I have this…fat-rash above my belly button where my tummy was trying to escape my belt.
Honestly, I don’t even know how y’all deal with how sexy I am.
Good morning. Work is canceled, today is for masturbation now. If Shaun T doesn’t work for you, feel free to look elsewhere — you do you (literally).
The good news is, my new neighbor is either a hot, young-ish guy, or has hot, young-ish guy visitors at 10 pm on Saturday nights.
The bad news is, I learned this by passing said hot, young-ish guy at the common door, as he was walking in and I was walking out to meet the grocery delivery guy…and I was wearing mismatched pajamas and slippers, with hair I THINK was last washed on Thursday?
Um… it’s… um… fashion?
When you dare ignore their first OkCupid message, sometimes men send followups.
I AM a humorless therapy-goer, but mofo ain’t sexy. Trust.
Smug Singleton 