Mirror mirror…

I see a lot of guys on OkCupid who use selfies as profile pics. Sometimes mirror ones. Often the mirror is dirty.

I have questions.

First, don’t you own Windex? Vinegar? A ShamWow? I can’t get naked in your home if your mirror is all bedaubed with toothpaste remnants. I’m a lady, dammit. Plus it’ll turn into that “Big Bang Theory” episode where Sheldon can’t sleep because Penny’s apartment is messy: “I couldn’t sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room, and just outside our living room is that hallway, and immediately adjacent to that hallway is…THIS!” And I am damn sure not cleaning while you sleep.

Second, don’t you have ANY photos someone else took? Do you have friends? Only two of my six profile pics are selfies: a really cute one taken post-haircut/color, and one mirror one I took after work so I’d have a really recent pic. The caption says: “With apologies for the mirror selfie, this is what I look like after work.” (Not at all true — after work I put on yoga pants and put my hair in a ponytail. But I’ll never let any of these dudes see that.)

Some guys have like 10 selfies, but only ONE facial expression, so it’s like Flat Stanley or the Twilight chick — the same face in various settings. “Here I am at home. Here I am at work. Here I am in a bar. Here I am in a PUBLIC restroom mirror, just for a bit of added class. That’s right, ladies… Behold.”

Big Banging Beyond Theory

OMG, SHAMY!

I haven’t seen this show in years because it stopped being funny, but this was so sweet. They’re adorable, I want to hug them.

Also, asking verbal consent AND a contractual backup? Well played, Dr. Cooper. (We’ll let that comment about “litigious society” go. OK, fine, he’s an awkward virgin — whatever. They still make it sound like he could get fake-rape-sued. As if that is a thing that happens all the time.)

Wait. What was my point? Oh, right. Sweet. It was sweet.

Well, hell’s bells, Elle!

“Sheldon, sometimes you forget I’m a lady. And with that comes an estrogen-fueled need to page through thick, glossy magazines that make me hate my body.”
— Amy Farrah Fowler

Well, looks like I have to abandon my principles (not that I really had any) and buy Elle magazine. #PowerAnimal