“So, Smug, what finally got you off your lazy ass to start working out again? Was it all that free time while you were unemployed? Was it multiple healthcare professionals telling you regular exercise could help you feel less depressed and foggy and gross? Perhaps the fact that all your pants are uncomfortably tight because your thighs look like those big fuckoff turkey legs at Renaissance Faires?”
“Naw. They etched a mythical creature into a piece of shitty fake metal.”
“One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish is that they’re both attracted to shiny objects.”
— Barney Stinson
I know I’m supposed to be taking the weekend off, but I didn’t think anyone would mind if I hopped on to say, “Jewelry that can make me come. The sex store gets me.”
I’m looking for a full-time job, and I think it’d be spectacularly twisted if I ended up getting the one I’m applying for at a wedding magazine.
“Nope, not married. No foreseeable plans to get married — severe, possibly permanent damage about the entire idea, actually. But I’ve been in a committed relationship with pretty dresses and shiny objects my entire life, and I envy people who have the emotional capacities to commit to a lifelong relationship when I can’t even commit to a shampoo.”
Plus, I mean… inside access to the wedding industry would make for some amazing blog posts.