It’s possible this is just because I’m a new woman he’s trying to flatter, BUT… New Dude has complimented my lingerie every time my clothes have come off. So at the very least, he appreciates the effort. But I realized I have limited quantities of sex-worthy underwear — a fifth date hasn’t been an issue in years. Time to call in reinforcements!
I knew I’d put on some weight, but I just tried on clothes while also puffy from PMS and salty food, and now I would KILL to be fucked as thoroughly as my body image.
Dear David at the Barnes & Noble Café in Plymouth Meeting, PA,
I hadn’t been planning to masturbate tonight, but upon sight of you, now I realize I must. Thank you for your inspiration. You are my clitoral muse.
The Blushing Woman/Cold Brew & Scone
P.S. Couldn’t help but notice your finger didn’t have a ring on it. Those are my second favorite kinds of fingers. Give me a call, I’ll show you how we make ’em my first favorite.
EDIT: Goddammit! What a tragic waste of being asked, “Room for cream?”!
I’m sorry… What in the name of the actual everloving FUCK is this?