I do not like “Wham bam, thank you, ma’am.” I do not like it, Sam, damn.

OkCupid emails you a little preview whenever you get a new message.

Aaand sometimes that preview is all you need…  
There’s two fucking feet of snow on the ground, shitheel. I’m not going outside for anyone’s dick.

To his credit, his VERY first message said, “Hi I am sam how are you doing​,” so he was totes chivalrous about it. The hotel thing came two minutes later. As I suspect he would.

(Also…”I am Sam?” Nope. Nooope. I didn’t even change his name like I usually do because it was just too good.)

“Winter just wasn’t my season.”

This isn’t about dating, sex, or Feels for a change — it’s mostly about profanity.

Did you guys see the first Scream movie, where the killer is talking to Jamie Kennedy and says, “You’ll never, ever get the girl,” and Jamie Kennedy replies, “Fuuuuuuuck yoooouuuu!”

I think about that “fuck you” every time I see snow in the forecast, which in the Northeast is apparently fucking ALWAYS this year.

Winter is an asshole.