Introducing Amazon Prime’s Asshole Plan…

An acquaintance shared this on Facebook:

I only bothered reading the first 20 or so comments, so maybe someone said it beyond that, but I didn’t see anyone suggest maybe, um…NOT lying to your spouse about your spending habits?

One of the comments LEGIT advised using Amazon’s lockers so the husbands wouldn’t see.

*sigh* You go enjoy your very healthy marriage. I’m single, so what the shit do *I* know?

Also, “HA HA HA, we’re women and we love to shop and we do so irresponsibly and then lie about it, HA HA HA FUNNY HA HA.”

(I know, I know — it’s a joke and I’m a buzzkill.)

Girls Gone “Gone Girl.”

I just finished reading Gone Girl, and feel as though I should be more unsettled about the many small ways in which the male protagonist — a suspect in his wife’s disappearance — reminds me of two different men I’ve known.

One in a sweet, “Aw, be my husband!” way, and another in a “Grow the fuck up and use your words, you goddamn man-child” way.

I’m seeing the movie this weekend and am pretty sure Affleck will be perfect casting. Super dreamy, but yeah, I do instinctively just want to punch him in his chin dimple. Well done, Hollywood.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the crazy.

My mom told me that she and her husband argued yesterday, but that “everything is OK today, we’re talking like it never happened.”

So a) that’s totally healthy, and b) that’s where I get it from.