A new boy started working at my office today. I was perhaps going to set about seeing him naked. But I Facebook stalked him, and he’s engaged.
*sigh*
You know, I’m really wasting pretty here. Can we please hire someone who can bend me over my desk after hours?
Series of messages from a guy via OKCupid…
Saturday night:
10:31 pm: “Hello invisible lady. How is it going tonight?” (“Invisible lady” because I don’t have a photo.)
10:32 pm: “[Town I live in] isn’t too far!”
10:34 pm: “Can I hear a dirty joke from you tonight? B-)”
10:51 pm: “Could we get to know each other?”
Yesterday morning:
11:18 am: “Good morning… Do I hear back from you?”
Last night before bed:
12:36 am: “Hi there… Not sleepy tonight?”
12:46 am: “Are you around?”
Congratulations on being the impetus for me learning how to block people on OkCupid.
I realize English is probably not his first language. Stalking transcends those barriers.
By the way, I didn’t upload a photo because I’m sort of just browsing, not seriously looking, and I didn’t want creepy bastards sending me messages like I had on Match.com. But when you don’t have a photo, apparently the CREEPIEST bastards send you messages. I’ve gotten several, none worth replying to. But maybe dudes think I must have fairly screwed-up self-esteem to not even rustle up ONE photo, so maybe I’ll just fuck a stalker if he tries?
Also, this guy has only one photo, and it’s of him wearing a surgical mask in an operating room with about five other people, also in surgical masks. You might think “Ooh, doctor!,” but I’ve seen enough Lifetime movies to know that if I interact with this guy, I’m gonna wake up in a stranger’s bathtub with amnesia and one less kidney.
P.S. If you wondered, “B-)” is a cool-guy smiley with sunglasses, which auto-formats in some venues, but not in the OKC email system, so you just look like an asshole. And that’s why you shouldn’t communicate with emojis.
Smug Singleton 