You bettah WORK!

A new boy started working at my office today. I was perhaps going to set about seeing him naked. But I Facebook stalked him, and he’s engaged.


You know, I’m really wasting pretty here. Can we please hire someone who can bend me over my desk after hours?

Keep on creepin’ on.

Series of messages from a guy via OKCupid…

Saturday night:
10:31 pm: “Hello invisible lady. How is it going tonight?” (“Invisible lady” because I don’t have a photo.)
10:32 pm: “[Town I live in] isn’t too far!”
10:34 pm: “Can I hear a dirty joke from you tonight? B-)”
10:51 pm: “Could we get to know each other?”

Yesterday morning:
11:18 am: “Good morning… Do I hear back from you?”

Last night before bed:
12:36 am: “Hi there… Not sleepy tonight?​”
12:46 am: “Are you around?​”

Congratulations on being the impetus for me learning how to block people on OkCupid.

I realize English is probably not his first language. Stalking transcends those barriers.

By the way, I didn’t upload a photo because I’m sort of just browsing, not seriously looking, and I didn’t want creepy bastards sending me messages like I had on But when you don’t have a photo, apparently the CREEPIEST bastards send you messages. I’ve gotten several, none worth replying to. But maybe dudes think I must have fairly screwed-up self-esteem to not even rustle up ONE photo, so maybe I’ll just fuck a stalker if he tries?

Also, this guy has only one photo, and it’s of him wearing a surgical mask in an operating room with about five other people, also in surgical masks. You might think “Ooh, doctor!,” but I’ve seen enough Lifetime movies to know that if I interact with this guy, I’m gonna wake up in a stranger’s bathtub with amnesia and one less kidney.

P.S. If you wondered, “B-)” is a cool-guy smiley with sunglasses, which auto-formats in some venues, but not in the OKC email system, so you just look like an asshole. And that’s why you shouldn’t communicate with emojis.