Curtains, camo, cake, and Crazy Eyes.

I texted a guy’s dating profile photo to a friend…

Her: “Hard pass. The curtains. I can’t get past the curtains.”

Me: “Holy shit, I didn’t even notice the curtains! They got lost behind the camo, the cake, and the Crazy Eyes!”

Her: “I’d like to give him props for making that cake, but that’s a Shoprite liner. He didn’t make that shit.”

I’m not posting the whole photo here because I’m not a COMPLETE asshole, but here are the offending curtains, and a bit of the camo.

NB: I am complete shit at home decor, so I’m not judging anyone’s style — I don’t even HAVE curtains. But I do have very mild OCD, and that mismatch would drive me batshit insane.

Quotable Kaling

“Since I am not model-skinny, but also not super fat and fabulously owning my hugeness, I fall into that nebulous ‘normal American woman’ size that legions of fashion stylists detest. For the record, I’m a size 8 (this week, anyway). Many stylists hate that size because, I think, to them, it shows that I lack the discipline to be an ascetic or the confident sassy abandon to be a total fatty hedonist. They’re like: pick a lane! Just be so enormous that you need to be buried in a piano, and dress accordingly.”
— Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)