A watched iPhone never beeps with a text that saves your faith in humanity.

Having given this some thought, and having STILL not heard from this guy…

I had sex with a person I liked, and who, at the time, I honestly thought liked me. Not LOVED me, not falling for me, but like…we could be friends.

THEN he started fading away. We haven’t had sex since.

So, that’s not this guy keeping me around to get his dick wet, not any reason for me to feel slutty. That’s a relationship that started, was fine for a few weeks, then…ended? I guess? It’d be SUPER great to be sure of that. I don’t think I’ll be convinced until we get to the weekend and he’s still radio silent. (We had tentative plans.)

I WILL actually be hurt if he just ghosted. Not BADLY, but I slept with him because I thought we were at least THAT cool. Like, hey, I swallowed your semen — show some goddamn respect.

But I can handle “ghosting;” I’ve been on the other side of that. Nice person, fine in bed, but just not for me, but I’m a little bitch who can’t just say that, hence the fadeaway.*

That helps.

*For the record, though, it DOES feel shitty and I’ve tried to learn to be a goddamn grownup and tell people. It sucks, but it’s not THAT bad. Tell people. Don’t be a dick.

A major award!

Apparently I got a “Versatile Blogger” award from Girl, Intoxicated. Yay, me. Yay, her. Yay, blogging.

These are the rules:

• Display the award certificate on your blog
• Announce your win with a post and thank the blogger who nominated you
• Present 15 deserving bloggers with the award
• Link your nominees in the post and let them know about their nomination with a comment
• Post seven interesting things about yourself

I’m not sure I even read 15 blogs, but I’ll do what I can, and by all means, go check out the blogs Girl, Intoxicated recommends in her post.

1. Girl, Intoxicated. (Obvs.)
2. Amediablogger. (Who has already done this and recommended 15 choice blogs as well.)
3. Shaeconnorwrites.
4. Simply A.
5. The Bloggess.
6. XOJane. (I’m not even sure this qualifies as a blog. But whatever, I like it.)
7. Jezebel. (I can finally add them back now that they seem to have shut up about Miley fucking Cyrus.)
8. Healthy Living Holly.
9. Jennsylvania.
10. Adulting.
11. Resume Speak.

I think I might be out of blogs, y’all, sorry. Feel free to flesh out my list by leaving YOUR favorites in the comments.

And here are seven (interesting?) things about me:

1. If I haven’t had at least one cup of coffee by around 11 a.m., you probably do not want to talk to me.
2. I am way too self-conscious about my cleavage.
3. I have the best friends in the world and a few of them have been amazing beyond words this past year. I can’t even. I love you guys.
4. Having said that, I firmly believe life would be sweeter if my drinking water were laced with a very low dose of Xanax.
5. My dairy addiction is severe enough that, if my milkshake did, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard, I’d probably be more interested in the milkshake than the boys. (Related: I often see a guy walking his dog, and I have no interest in the guy, but want to stop him and chat so I can play with his dog…which I swear is not a metaphor.)
6. There’s so much good stuff coming on TV this fall that I’m kind of excited to be antisocial and have no life.
7. I swallow, but not just because I’m awesome and happen to love it. I also think spitting is messy and frankly unladylike. (Also, where am I spitting? In theory, I’m in my home, or his home. Am I supposed to keep a cup nearby, like if I chewed tobacco?) And I certainly don’t want to wash a guy’s…deposit off my body or out of my nice sheets. Gross. I am not a ho; ergo, you are not Superman-ing me.