Relieving emotional tension < relieving sexual tension. 

Between hormones and holiday stress, I just ended up Ugly Crying over something incredibly stupid, and now my brain is convinced I am unlovable and will die alone. So that’s always fun. I think these particular feelings will need to be handled via pizza.

I almost never cry, so storing it all up for the twice-yearly Ugly Cry is sort of like when I finally get laid — I never realize how long it’s been since I’ve done it, so I just explode from the catharsis of it all. It generally works out much better during sex, but the result is the same: I end up collapsed in an exhausted, lifeless heap. And I feel a lot better. And I demand snacks.

When’s the next “punching things” class?

I’ve learned that I can get incredible tension relief and clarity from both sex and an Ugly Cry. (Ideally not at the same time.)

If I discover the same is true for exercise, I’m gonna be, like, the hottest shaman ever by the end of this year.