My friends are better than your friends. (Unless my friends ARE your friends. In which case, lucky you.)
Um, no, YOU’RE suddenly the kind of woman who stares at her phone waiting for a text.
Text from a friend about a man who’d wronged her: “Motherfucker ALWAYS manages to pop back into my life somehow JUST when I’ve let my guard down. Seriously, it’s almost impressive. He’s like the herpes of people.”