Get off our collective lawn!

My friends are better than your friends. (Unless my friends ARE your friends. In which case, lucky you.)

I sense your judgment and do not appreciate it.

Um, no, YOU’RE suddenly the kind of woman who stares at her phone waiting for a text.

…

Shut up.

Aw, damn, another flare-up.

Text from a friend about a man who’d wronged her: “Motherfucker ALWAYS manages to pop back into my life somehow JUST when I’ve let my guard down. Seriously, it’s almost impressive. He’s like the herpes of people.”

Holy road rage

Text to a friend:

A bit of Christmas cheer, brought to you by Smug Singleton HQ.