The Onion is my patronus.

Via The Onion:  

Re-blog: Relationship Reaches Point Where Breaking Up, Getting Married Would Be Equally Huge Hassle

Via The Onion: Relationship Reaches Point Where Breaking Up, Getting Married Would Be Equally Huge Hassle 

And lo, Jesus spake unto me, and He said, “The Onion rules.”

So…a “Nailed it!” joke here is probably in poor taste, right?

Right.

Apartment Full Of Jesus Stuff Brings Date To Screeching Halt

It’s funny because it’s true.

Via The Onion: NFL Announces New Zero-Tolerance Policy On Videotaped Domestic ViolencePersonally, I’d have gone with joking about any videotaped violence involving players is property of the NFL, and how distribution is prohibited without express written permission. But I guess that’s why The Onion has 4 million Facebook followers and I have 37 (in a row?).

But come to think of it, isn’t it interesting how the NFL has such explicit and concrete rules about consent?

Watch it, Onion. That’s bone you’re scraping there…

Via The Onion: Study Finds All-Consuming Self-Pity Best Way To Win Back Ex-Partner

Re-blog: Date’s Flaws Coming At Woman Faster Than She Can Rationalize Them

Not only does The Onion insist on seeing into my brain, they’ve now stepped up their game by using a photo of a woman who looks like me.

Date’s Flaws Coming At Woman Faster Than She Can Rationalize Them

Re-blog: Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup

Via The Onion:
Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup

Re-blog: Robin Thicke assaulted by Twitter users who knew he wanted it

Via The Onion: Robin Thicke assaulted by Twitter users who knew he wanted it

Re-blog: Because my body loves a sundress…

Via The Onion: Revealing Spring Attire Reminds Man He Nothing More Than Weak, Hormonal Ogre

Re-blog: “Male Gaze Falls On Buffalo Chicken Bites”

Via The Onion: Male Gaze Falls On Buffalo Chicken Bites