“My Body is a Dumpster Fire” works just as well as “Wonderland.”

Once in a while I have to play a little game with my brain called, “Sick, Exhausted, or Depressed?” because I have a hard time knowing the difference.

This game is EXACTLY as much fun as it sounds.

Turns out depression can look a lot like laziness, which sucks when you are, in fact, ALSO lazy. Spending my Saturday night differentiating my lethargies? AWESOME. *humming club beat*

Sometimes Netflix requires too much effort.

Jesus, Netflix, YES, I am still watching Scandal. Didn’t you INVENT the binge watch? Let me hide from humanity in peace. I don’t feel like moving my arm to find the damn remote — what am I, a triathlete?

Judgy bitch.

Smug Singleton: Squashing romantic potential since always. 

Twitter stalking a man while tired = accidentally “liking” a tweet then quickly UN-liking it but knowing Twitter probably notified him = BRB, crawling into a hole and dying.

(BTW, I had a crush. I mean…I have to go die now, so past tense, but it was a good 48 hours.)