Texting the friend who sold me the new sex toy: “Just did a test run, and you were right. It’s bigger than the one I had. A LOT bigger. I only need men for their tongues and hanging curtains now.”
(Kidding, men. I can hang curtains. But I also really like your hands. And your voices. And your weight… Ahem. Sorry, what was my point…?)
I didn’t buy it, but last night at the adult boutique, I tried the Hitachi Magic Wand — on my achy shoulders, not on my lady bits. I’ve had someone else use it during sex and loved it, but I can’t be trusted to operate that thing. I’m clumsy, I’d end up in the hospital. But it’s delightful in both places.
Also, last night I learned that orgasm denial is a thing, and I wish I weren’t into it, but I totally am. I wish the guy who introduced me to it in 2013 had warned me, because I almost kicked him in the face, but it was lovely at the end, and was achieved via the Magic Wand. All the stars for that thing.
Via MTV News:
“When Cristina McAllister was growing up, it was hard to find a science kit for girls that wasn’t just a make-your-own make-up or soap kit. Meanwhile, the kits marketed to boys had all kinds of cool and complicated experiments just across the toy store aisle.
“Years later, McAllister is working hard doing real-life science as a biologist and … decided to make Stembox, a monthly-subscription box of real science-y goodness delivered right to your door. Think Birchbox meets Bill Nye.” 
Star Wars isn’t my thing, but GET IT, lady nerds!
Disney Bows to Star Wars Fan Backlash, Adds Princess Leia Toys to New Line
New Lad: “My box of condoms came with a vibrating ring.”
Me: “Boo! My condoms didn’t come with a prize!”
Apparently Durex condoms are like Filthy Frankenberry.
Count Cockula? Boob-berry? Cheeri-ohhhhhhs? Berry Berry Dix?
Smug Singleton 