The Slutty Skinny Heritage Workout 

Texting a friend about exercise classes:

“I’ll tag along for the trampoline class, as long as you don’t mind me thinking it’s hilarious to keep telling people I put the ‘tramp’ in ‘trampoline.'”

“OMG, and ‘tramp-o-lean’ when I get skinny!”

“Aaaahhhh, ‘Tramp O’Line’ for my Irish side!”

“Sorry, I’m done now.”

Internet radio is subtly slut-shaming me.

I’ve been a little on edge lately about coming off like a complete tramp. As if sensing my self-doubt, EVERY time I’ve put on my Pandora ’90s hip-hop station, it starts with this:

Pandora is a judgy panda.