I would do anything for sanity…but I won’t do THAT…

My friend is taking November off from all her social media, and I’m over here like, “Um, I MIGHT last a weekend…” #junkie

Unfriending the Crazy

Today my psychiatrist advised me to stop consuming so much news and social media.

You heard it here, y’all — modern life is insane-making.

(Also, yes, I’m aware I’m posting this ON social media. Um…it’s a process?)

My feet aren’t even cute enough to fetishize.

I have questions, Tumblr.

“Did your dick get stung by 90 bees?!”

Sometimes I forget how much porn (erm…”erotica”) I follow on Tumblr until I open the app at work and “OMG, that’s a vagina. Gahhh, shut it down, shut it down!”

See also: wang. Giant, scary, first scene of “Trainwreck” wang.

“Your dick doesn’t end! Why doesn’t your dick end?!”

Straight pimpin’

I’ve posted this before, but it’s been a while, and new people are here (!!!). So here’s a list of all the platforms this blog lives on, in case you want to follow something different.

• Facebook
• WordPress (Duh, but there’s a “follow” button on the bottom right of the page, and I THINK that means you get each post emailed to you. You lucky duck!)
• Twitter (It auto-tweets links to WordPress.)
• Blogspot
• Instagram
• Tumblr (Auto-posts from WordPress.)
• Aaand in case you’re old-school, LIVEJOURNAL: (That’s right. Because I CARE. Though it seems LJ skipped a whole month of posts, but hopefully I just fixed that.)

Fingerfucking my habitat.

Between the clutter blog and the “erotic gifs,” my Tumblr feed can be very disorienting first thing in the morning.

“Right. Make my bed. LIKE AN ADULT.”

“Oh, wait… A hand in my draw’s? Yeah, we’re doing that. Maybe I’ll make my bed after. (I won’t.)”

I think even the clutter blog would agree that particular excuse is not boring. 

 

Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

Is #FF still a thing? #FollowFriday? You kids today and your Internets, I can’t keep up.

But just in case you don’t feel like you follow me on enough platforms, here’s an updated list.

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Blogspot
• Instagram
• Tumblr
• Aaand in case you’re Amish, LIVEJOURNAL. (That’s right. Because I care.)

Now 50% more self-absorbent!

I downloaded an app to track my menstrual cycle and it’s asking me to add a profile photo.  

Uhhh, thanks, I’m good. This isn’t a thing I need to be social-networky about.

Also, um… Would that be a photo of my face or of my vagina? If we’re taking photos of my vagina, I’m gonna need to go to Glamour Shots or something. This can’t be of those “Shot on an iPhone 6” deals you see on billboards. I can’t selfie that, I need a pro. Studio space, flattering lighting…

What Instagram filter would work best for that? Probably one of the black and white ones, so it’ll look artsy, or, ooh, Earlybird would be good — my vagina would look all mellow and groovy.

I realize they’re not really requesting photos of my lady garden. But once I started thinking about vaginal Glamour Shots, my brain ran with it.

Though, if I could get an ultrasound printout of the whole uterus, etc., kit and caboodle, I guess that would be most accurate.

Also, I Googled “Sapphic selfie,” and apparently it’s a thing. Mostly on Tumblr (obvs). 

The Hardy Boys and the Hoarder Gnomes

This is from a Tumblr I follow, and YES. 

“What IS all this stuff and who put it here?”

“You live by yourself, dummy. YOU put it here.”

“That’s absurd. It was gnomes. Hoarder gnomes. Sneaky little fuckers.”



Via Tumblr…