My new mantra

“If you SAY you’re a feminist, then FUCK like a feminist.”

I’d buy that t-shirt. Make it so, Sam Bee.

Hell, can I get that tattooed on my lower abdomen?

https://youtu.be/II-OP6vdMs8

At the very least, the palate of my vagina is cleansed.

I accidentally saw something fucking AWFUL in Facebook’s “trending” news sidebar, and felt pretty close to either crying or throwing up at my desk.

I took a few minutes to breathe, then went online in pursuit of a palate cleanser. I put #Scandal on Netflix out of habit, just for background noise to finish out the workday, but didn’t realize which episode I’d left off at.

Y’all? Never underestimate the healing power of Marcus and Mellie bangin’ on a desk. 

(The other thing will likely still roam the halls of my brain for a couple days, but #MellieBelly does help.)

 

Advanced Feelings Eating

#sheetcaking

Let’s make it happen, y’all.

(See also: #DonnyJohnny.)

Via Uproxx: Tina Fey Returns To SNL For A Scathing Take On Nazis, Trump, And Charlottesville On ‘Weekend Update’

An apology on behalf of my breasts

Dear Everyone Who’s Told Me I Should Watch My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,

I am so very sorry I didn’t listen. My entire life is canceled until I’ve seen them all.

Sincerest apologies from me and my heavy boobs,

Smug

The following program is rated “TVMAgeist”

I’ve been watching a show called Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce on Netflix, and seeing a 28-year-old guy bang the hell out of Lisa Edelstein has kinda made reconsider my aversion to dating younger men.

Actually… Wait a second…

*Google*

He was born in 1975! BOOM! My ageism stands!

Going for the gold in Fuckery

Screen Shot 2016-08-08 at 3.26.14 PMVia Huffington Post: The Media Is Saying And Doing A Bunch Of Sexist Stuff During The Olympics.

“A commentator said Team USA members looked like they ‘might as well be standing in the middle of a mall’ after they were caught on camera laughing and talking following their utter annihilation of the competition during the qualifying round.”

I really have nothing intelligent to say, but in fairness I think the only thing TO say is “Go fuck yourself.”

 

Screen Shot 2016-08-08 at 3.33.36 PM.png

See also: “Katie Ledecky swims like a man.” [upon protest] “It was a compliment.” Seen in this second article, because there was enough bullshit to write two: Stop Attributing The Success Of Women Olympians To Men.

“Last Night a TV Saved My Life”

BRB, have to go marry this woman:

“I’ve got this shit called FEELINGS and they are the goddamn worst…Feelings are fundamentally UNFAIR and TERRIBLE. Something happens to you, totally outside your control, and then you just have to feel BAD for god knows how long? Don’t get it, don’t like it.”

YUP. In the past few years, I’ve taken breaks from/avoided my stupid feelings by mainlining Scandal (multiple times), Grey’s Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, Breaking Bad, and Jane the Virgin, along with repeated viewings of standup comedy specials and comfort movies.

Not sure if that’s a SIGN of depression or a coping mechanism for it, or both, or just totally normal behavior for the age we live in, but…screw it, it does help.

Via Ravishly: