“You got a WHAT? How long ya had that problem?”

Update on Dude I’d Been Dating: He texted me Sunday to give me back his phone number, and has texted here and there since with everyday minutia, stuff so mundane I feel like he’s just worried I’ll be mad if he doesn’t say SOMETHING.

He re-added me on Facebook (he’s on my “family” filter now, though, so all he sees are sunset photos and dog videos), but not on Instagram, and we were never connected on Twitter.

So I guess we’re friends, with nudity TBD, but I think I’m OK with friends, at least for now. I’m glad we’re talking because that means he didn’t just fuck me and bail. But now I know he can and will just shut down on me, and maybe he’s only talking to me because sex is possible, so I need to get those thoughts in order.

We don’t have plans to see each other, and I’m damn sure not bringing it up, so it won’t be a real issue until he does. (He’s away on a family trip right now.)

In the meantime, I have TWO OkCupid Potentials to write back, so “I’m not waitin’, because I’m no waiter, so when I blow up, don’t try to kick it to me later.”

(^ I…I am so sorry, you guys…)

Smug Singleton: Squashing romantic potential since always. 

Twitter stalking a man while tired = accidentally “liking” a tweet then quickly UN-liking it but knowing Twitter probably notified him = BRB, crawling into a hole and dying.

(BTW, I had a crush. I mean…I have to go die now, so past tense, but it was a good 48 hours.)

Smug is back with a brand-new invention.

So…hi. This is awkward. 

I shut this page down when I was laid off in September. (“I am not getting laid; therefore, I am getting laid off.” —Carrie Bradshaw.) I had more pressing priorities, like finding a job and wallowing in my personal failures.

But then… I’m not a HUGE believer in “signs from the universe,” but we do seem to be shushing female senators, and I do seem to be getting fatter, and Valentine’s Day does seem to be tomorrow, and women’s magazines do seem to be alternating cutting-edge journalism/hilar-balls sex headlines, and the President of the United States does seem to be tweeting about easy D, and y’all KNOW I can’t keep my mouth shut around some easy D, so…OK! CHRIST!

So here I am. Let’s see how this goes.