“Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker…”

Today a relative who doesn’t know me very well saw me happily playing with a family baby and said, “Aw, Auntie Smug! It’s your turn next!”

*deep breath*

No, Uncle Fuckface, it’s not. But thanks, it’s been a while since I felt shitty about it.

(I’m fine, but I AM going to drink heavily and pass out in my underpants, because whatever, no one’s gonna wake me up demanding anything.)

Happy Mother’s Day to all my bad-ass mom friends, who let me snuggle their children and never make me feel defective. Your kids are amazing, and they have you to thank.

Supreme Court profanity & fashion

Emailing with friends…

Friend 1: “I was just thinking about how Scalia claims he doesn’t know any ladies who know foul language. I would like for an all-women chorus to go caroling at his house and sing the old South Park hymnal ‘Shut Your Fucking Face, Unclefucker.'”

Friend 2: “I like to think Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a terrible potty mouth and says ‘fuck’ an awful lot.”

Me: “She totally does. And under her robe she wears a saucy red dress.”

Friend 1: “I love you guys.”