“Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker…”

Today a relative who doesn’t know me very well saw me happily playing with a family baby and said, “Aw, Auntie Smug! It’s your turn next!”

*deep breath*

No, Uncle Fuckface, it’s not. But thanks, it’s been a while since I felt shitty about it.

(I’m fine, but I AM going to drink heavily and pass out in my underpants, because whatever, no one’s gonna wake me up demanding anything.)

Happy Mother’s Day to all my bad-ass mom friends, who let me snuggle their children and never make me feel defective. Your kids are amazing, and they have you to thank.