Texting the friend who sold me the new sex toy: “Just did a test run, and you were right. It’s bigger than the one I had. A LOT bigger. I only need men for their tongues and hanging curtains now.”
(Kidding, men. I can hang curtains. But I also really like your hands. And your voices. And your weight… Ahem. Sorry, what was my point…?)
Bwah ha ha… Added to my reading list! 
God help me if it’s a bad narrator. Is there any way we could get Stephen Colbert to read this one to me? Maybe Chris Noth? Scott Foley? My vagina is oddly particular about voices — this isn’t gonna work for me if the narrator says “supposably.”
(If it has to be a woman, maybe Kerry Washington? My orgasm would get HANDLED.)
Smug Singleton 