Champagne? Super, Nova!

Great news, you guys — I’m getting married!

His name is Nova, which translated loosely from the Spanish means: “You ain’t gon’ be able to go NOwhere when we’re done.”

We’re registered at Bed Bath & Beyond, but we really only need extra bedsheets and towels, so y’all best hustle to make sure no one snags the good stuff and leaves you stuck with, like, one lone pillow sham.

Oh, and if you could also send the traditional celebration pizza now, that’d be super. I’m STARVING, but I can’t move, and Nova’s not so great in the kitchen. But no matter — he’s my best friend and my soulmate, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. ❤️

Sex Toy Saturday

In happier news, I thought you’d all like to know this is a thing that exists in the world.

Tragically my sex toy budget is already at its limit for fiscal 2016, but I am *thisclose* to crowd-funding this thing.