Butt why?

Um, wait…

 

🙋‍♀️

 

But WHY, though?

 

(I KNOW why, but…WHY?)

Parents shouldn’t have Facebook.

My parents have a habit of making my mundane Facebook posts SUPER weird, so I texted my friends about one post, like, “The fuck? They’re weird, right?” And then…

I’ll only be able to write about tampons and Lifetime movies.

Well, thank heaven for this distinction. I’d hate to sully your manly journals with my silly lady thoughts.

You might want to think about emblazoning a dick and balls right on the front cover, just to be 100% safe.

I’m surprised they even allow the idea that men could write in a journal. But y’all definitely write only about MANLY things — sports, cars, power tools, World War II, The Shawshank Redemption, and barbecue.

Oh…Well, oh, myyy…

Today I learned that the Aquaman sex toy is a thing that exists.

And now you know, too!

You’re welcome.

Equal opportunity genital chakras.

Holy shit, thank GOD they specified this yoga mat bag can be used by men AND women. I was wondering! (Read: I was not wondering. At all.)

In hindsight, Orville Redenbacher was a classy motherfucker.

A very minor factor in why I don’t want to have children is that I really don’t know how to explain why snack foods need to be sexualized.