Obviously the ice cream is the most important thing.

For those of you playing the home game:

• First sex ✔️
• First minor argument ✔️
• First minor argument resolved to my satisfaction (ie, I won) ✔️
• Ice cream ✔️

Congratulations, Masturbation!

I’d planned to eat a cupcake once I’d calmed myself down with some therapeutic masturbation, but I did too good a job and now all I want to do is sleep. Good job, Self.

Plus, now I can have the cupcake for breakfast tomorrow. Wins all around!

I am woman. Hear me roar.

Goddamn, my body is amazing. Not for its looks, just for what it’s capable of. Women’s bodies are brilliant. Men, you’re great, and your bodies are a delight. But as far as awe-inspiring physiology, women definitely come out on top. (Heh.)