“OK, Google — when will you quit bullshitting?”

I often refer to Google as my religion, so I really hope they pull their heads out of their asses here.
‘Cause, yeah, I can have principles and change my email addresses and use different search engines and storage sites, but…it’s fucking Google. No one cares. I’d be like those assholes who tried to boycott “Hamilton” — sure, sweetie, good luck with that.

Also, I mean…you can’t get that data? Can’t you just Google it?

Summer’s Eve presents “A Douchey Christmas Carol”

Fun fact: my smartphone remembers contact info for EVERYONE I’ve ever called, texted, or emailed. Even if I’ve deleted them, even if I want to forget I ever knew them, their names can pop up all phantom-like when I’m trying to contact someone else.

I Googled this, and I can fix it if I reset my phone and lose all my photos and settings. Or I can deal with every Match.com asshole I ever talked to haunting my phone like Ghosts of Douchebags Past.