In the Wild: The Rare and Elusive Emotionally Damaged Single Woman

I hadn’t gotten any OkCupid messages in, like, 4 days, but now I’m all “woe is me” and suddenly I get THREE in the past hour?

Holy shit… Men, can y’all innately sense my broken self-worth online, too?! Wow, OkCupid, good work on that algorithm! I thought that sixth sense was reserved for when I’m at the grocery store, all gross, unshowered, no makeup, in sweats, and get the idiot wolf whistles I don’t get when I’m dressed normally.

But obviously the messages were the digital equivalents of a wolf whistle:
1. “Hi Smug [Spock finger emoji] lol”
2. “You’re so cute”
3. “So what does your weekend look like ?? –John”

*sigh* Check it out, you guys — it’s Drink O’Clock.

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